Lucky Man

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LiamRSharp's avatar
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Fuck. What is left unsaid to us? 
My teeth itch for some reason when I half-dwell on unfulfilled, always urgent ambitions that the flight of days leave improbable at best. 
And I am a lucky man.
What uncle/aunt/mother/father/brother/sister/teacher/grandma/grandpa didn't gift/damn you with subtle, or otherwise, praise that drove a flurry of empty/perfect creation, copied/gleaned from other lives lived in similar futile pursuit?
And I am a lucky man.
And who said it best and when? You are an artist. And did we question it then? Or later - when it grew harder, tireder, and so very far from the light, bright splashes of a sort of erudite visual blooming?
And I mean it - I count myself the luckiest of men.
You must know the feeling - it's like a nagging childhood yearning, dimmed but persistent. And it says:
More
Better
Still better
And more
And it says whatever you do it's not good enough. Never going to be.
And in truth - I really am a lucky man.
You'll never be that fluent, it says. You'll never be that good.
And you'll wake to days that scream for god's sake, man! Why did you not sing, or write, or act, or... 
Or what? Because nothing will ever
Ever
Deliver what those appropriated expectations demand!
Yup.
We'll always fail ourselves.
And we are the lucky ones!
There's a quested soul that lurks in the finest of us, and it burns brightest, often, in the arcing amber gleams at the far end of a pint or six. And if not there, in speed or anger. Or all three. 
When passion gives way to only skill - what then?
You are a lucky man.
When conviction gives way to doubt, and the deadline beats a rhythm that defines your every day, your every hour, what then?
Be glad, they say, for you are a lucky man!
When every shaken hand, and smile, and broad gesture of a life well lived masks doubt, what then?
And your fingers pluck invisible chords unlearned. Your ears strain to grasp fleeting melodies caught on a breath, a clamor of city life, a dance of wind and wing in open spaces. Symphonies in feathers and dust and smoke.
Those classic, forever unmade movies that run through our heads at night?
The novels that will shed new light on the pictorial legacy of the comic - the medium we can neither elevate nor destroy, escape nor fully embrace, because we are not worthy of such greatness that the fusion of word and image might promise, should promise, does promise?
Did I not say? 
I am a lucky lucky man.
To stand in the shoes of those giants so briefly.
To imagine such epics in ink and paper, and tears and soul, but fail - and fail we all do.
To try.
And to fail.
And to try again.
Ah yes.
That's right.
I am 
a lucky 
man.
© 2014 - 2024 LiamRSharp
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oagarciacruz's avatar
Beautifully said.