I often get called oversensitive - and maybe I am, I don't know. If it is the case then at least it is tempered by general good cheer! And by that I mean if it seems that I let things get to me in the notes or journals I write and post up here, then that's not generally accurate! I don't dwell. I don't carry it around, letting it inform the mood of any given day. I'm not bitter and harried. I'm a happy sort of a bloke!
However, I do
like to know what's going on. I like to know how my head is working, what I'm trying to get at, and how I'm responding to the medium, the audience, and my peers. I can't help but to question myself at every stage, and check my thinking and integrity. If I'm not doing that then I'm just coasting! And I'd be a big fat baldy liar if I let everybody think that it was all easy, and that I really didn't give a fat poo what anybody thought about my work. Maybe we're not meant
to care what people think, if we're touching them or not, if we're failing or succeeding in connecting. But I DO care, and I think I should
This does not mean I'm craving attention, or that I'm a delicate flower people should be nice to. I don't expect everybody to like my work, or me, and I'm not feeling sorry for myself!
For me the whole of my life and my career is an exploration
. It's all I know. The ebbs and flows are part of it, and the views of others - as expressed so warmly on here so often - are a huge and important part of that. It's a dialogue
, and it's something that I hope I can learn from as much as I hope it generally informs. I think we should be clear when we get uncertain. I think we should be honest when we wobble. I think we should share our lows as much as our highs, our doubts as much as our certainties, and our fear as much as our bravery.
If a criticism seems to be persistent - repeated by unconnected people over a span of time - then I think it's OK to look at that, kick it about, and see whether it holds any merit or not. If, for a moment, that causes concern and momentary questioning, that too is OK. I would never be so sure as to consider myself above criticism! I might not ultimately agree, but then again I might learn something. I might get better, and grow.
So please, however I may posit these musings, the intention is to explore; to reveal my working mind; to garner opinion; to inform; to grow.
Besides - what the hell else would I write about?